It’s easy to live life easyly until we find love and passion. One day or other, lucky or unlucky, you will find out your passion. What’s it all about. The life, the love for it, the heart’s desperate wish. These will be some of wonderful days of your life until one day you are in the edge. The edge of losing your love.

I always failed to get my love. So one day I thought I will at least satisfy the love of others. I did it! I spoke a lie that took me to a fantastic world of love. The relationship didn’t last long. The day I broke up with her I had many things in my mind. First thing I am confused because it’s my first time getting in to a relationship and she is too good to me that I felt guilty to say no to her. But one day it all came out. The truth can never be hidden. I found that things are getting complicated day by day. How long can I lie. So I broke up with her.

Now I am all free in life right? why is that I can’t stay still? I fell in love again. The same old story repeats. I never proposed to the girl I loved. It never happened. It all starts with a crush and ends up being a pain in the heart and starts giving automatic tears which even now I am not able to control. Okay! I am not crying but it’s some state. I wish I have a language that can express this.

“I am just consumed by the fact that you are my friend for long time. Not that we talked and had a lot of time together but I felt that way and I can’t help it. I seriously had no internsions of asking you out. Yes! I don’t talk often to girls. I am not any expert in putting kadale as well. But some kind of magic exists. When I talk to you, I feel so nice. Until the time when I told you that you have a great smile, I have no intensions. But, question remains in my head which is “why?”. Why all these thinking about you. Even small and micro situations that I spend with you look so beautiful (obviously you need not think in the same way as I do).

I thought and thought how things will change. I know from the anology of whatsapp chat that you are not as interested as I am. I lied to you that I fear girls. I don’t fear girls but I fear you. I prepare for hours thinking what I should speak to you. Finally when I come near you, everything changes, I become restless.

Although it’s not the first time this is happening, two things are different. One is thinking about you and not all girls. Second is I expressed it.”

Please world! speak to me. Is this fair on your part to place me in between these good people. They are all good. Why do I fall in love?

What did I ask you in this world? All I asked you is a person to whom I can share everything. I don’t want to do all those things that they show in those movies. Tell me why I am not born in a place where there is no gender bias. Why can’t a girl and a boy stay as friends forever ? Even now tears try to burst out of my eyes.

These are my worst days :-

I am getting all my problems solved through internet.But in this process, I am not giving my brain the main thingy .i.e thinking about the problem. I did not stop solving my math problems. I wanted even more. But my mind is not willing to take something which is complicated. I found that my confidence level to take something new is decreasing. I find my mind and body becoming lazier and lazier.

Hopefully, I won’t get to this bull crap situation again.